Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
