Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
