Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
