Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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