Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
