I wish I only lived at night.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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