Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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