She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
