I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Pants are for mortals
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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