and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
