Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
