I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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