and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
