it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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