We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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