my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
