I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
