woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
