Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
