It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
