I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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