Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
