I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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