Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
