Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
