How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
