i don't like sucking hair
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
