there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
