I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize