I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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