sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
