..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think my moral compass just broke
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
