everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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