Only a mothe r could love this liver
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
