remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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