things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
