where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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