I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
im on a boat
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