did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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