i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
