Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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