I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
