I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Your cock deserves a montage
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
