I think im going to throw up on grandma
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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