You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
