I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
