Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
