guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
