We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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