Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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