I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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