It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
