I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize