my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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