I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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