Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
