I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize