also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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