Just fell off a train. Bad.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
