I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
