My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
