i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
