Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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