When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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