At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
